I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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