She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
