Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
