I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
