Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize