Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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