I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
