i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
