i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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