I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
