How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
