R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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