Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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