Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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