I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
