thus making me awesome and them whores
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
