Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
my being single is dangerous.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
