I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We had sex on a dog bed..
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
