My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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