then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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