i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
