U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize