Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
