dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
