Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
