Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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