My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
