her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
