I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
