haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize