And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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