I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
