Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
