Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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