you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
