man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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