Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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