You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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