Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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