I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
