know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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