My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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