My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
