she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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