how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
