Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
