Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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