"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
