he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
