3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
