It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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