I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
