smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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