Cold hands, warm shart.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
