I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
