Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I have surprise drugs for everyone
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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