I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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