This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
