Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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