Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
