Your face is a jimmy john
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
