the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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