I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm passing your future prison.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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