Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
