and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
