It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
