I just threw up on my dentist
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize