The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Boobs speak an international language.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
